The third of the four roles is the Lost Child. Remember, in a family with an emotionally absent parent, the other parent is focused on the ‘missing’ one. So no one is focused on the children. As a result of their emotional absence, the children learn to cope by adopting certain behavior styles. Unfortunately, these …
Tag: recovery
Rebels and Scapegoats: How do They Heal?
The second role in this discussion is the rebel, discussed in some detail here. But there is another point of view about the role of this troubled child and that is that they play the scapegoat for the family. From this perspective, this child takes on the family’s problems and acts them out, to ensure …
The Problem Child – It’s Not All Bad
In every family with an emotionally absent parent, the children learn and adopt one of four roles to deal with the stress and tension in the family. These roles are the hero, rebel or scapegoat, mascot and lost child. The previous two posts talked about the Hero – the child who learned to handle the …
What Does It Take To Change?
What happens if you aren’t satisfied with your life? Maybe you have a history of broken relationships or go-nowhere jobs? Perhaps on the outside everything looks good but you’re lonely and unhappy on the inside? Or you’re overweight but not happy. There is a process to make these kinds of changes. 1. Resisting change (also …
How Children Cope – 4 Learned Roles for Stress Management
Many decades ago, counselors saw an interesting outcome from treatment of alcoholics (most of whom were male): their clients seemed to do better when the spouse attended a week of treatment geared specifically for them. Proven repeatedly, the conclusion was clear: when the spouse of the alcoholic worked on herself, he recovered more quickly and more strongly. …