3.5 Steps to Lasting Personal Change

Over the past few months, this blog has explored the roles, rules and characteristics of children raised in emotionally barren families.  We’ve talked about your personal lives, families, friends and characters.  But one constant has been the question: “Okay, that’s how I am, so how do I change myself?” Psychologists seem to agree that change follows a specific process which I’ve outlined here.  And they’re...

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The Most Common Characteristics of Adult Children

The next three characteristics are common in all the roles.  In fact, I think they’re common in all people – well everyone I know, especially the last two. Overreact to changes over which they have no control. Constantly seek approval and affirmation. Usually feel that they are different from other people. Overreaction looks different among the different roles.  Heroes may get angry because their plans went awry (ever noticed a hero...

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Three More Characteristics of Children from Troubled Families

As mentioned before, these characteristics first evolved from work with adult children of alcoholics but have now been generalized to anyone raised in an emotionally barren family. In the last two posts we discussed characteristics 1 – 4.  Today we’ll look at the next three which include: Have difficulty having fun. Take themselves very seriously. Have difficulty with intimate relationships. The first two of these characteristics may...

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Relationship and Rules

As discussed Monday, children raised in emotionally empty homes grow up with three rules: Don’t talk Don’t trust Don’t Feel. It is also true, as mentioned by Lisa Hall Wilson, that living by these rules can be caused by bullying outside the home.  What are the ramifications of loving someone who lives by these rules? How do relationships fare when burdened by these rules? As usual, I’m going to discuss the far end of the spectrum of...

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From 4 Roles to 3 Rules

Parents are emotionally unavailable because of an issue in their life which the spouse wants resolved.  For example, a mother works full time plus.  She is successful in her job but works nienty hours a week.  Everyone wants to see more of Mom.  If she’d just work less, everything would be better. A parent may be mentally ill and unable to provide the emotional nurturing and caring needed by the children. If the other parent does not...

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Big Families and Small Ones: What About the Roles?

Over the last four weeks we have examined the four roles children assume when they are raised in a home with an emotionally absent parent.  Psychology seems to have a predilection for models of four; in this case the hero, rebel, lost child and mascot.  In healthy families, children’s behavior flows across all four roles. But in these families, children will adopt one of the roles and live by its parametes more than any other.  It’s as if...

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