How Do You Define Success?

I had dinner Saturday evening with one of my girlfriends and we got into a deep conversation about a variety of topics.  But the one that had me thinking all evening and most of today was a simple question she asked me: “How do you define success?” In truth I don’t know. What is success?  My daughter and I discussed success today as it concerns weight loss.  Is it the number on the scale? The size of clothes you wear?  Or...

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How Do The Roles Play Out In Codependency?

As explained earlier, the roles learned by children are usually played out in adulthood.  How would each of the roles adopt the role of codependent?  It’s a little complicated but I’ll try to simplify as much as I can. Hero becomes the co-dependent in many situations. She finds a man who ‘needs her’ and begins to help him become all that he can be – whether he wants to change or not.  Ironically, the more she focuses on him and...

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It’s All Mom’s Fault, or Is It?

We have focused many posts on the adult children of emotionally barren families.  As we go forward there will be posts on resilience and recovery for them.  But before we begin that, it’s important to complete the information on family structure. As mentioned originally, this work began with work on families of alcoholics. Studies showed that an alcoholic was more likely to achieve and maintain sobriety when his wife went into treatment as...

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3.5 Steps to Lasting Personal Change

Over the past few months, this blog has explored the roles, rules and characteristics of children raised in emotionally barren families.  We’ve talked about your personal lives, families, friends and characters.  But one constant has been the question: “Okay, that’s how I am, so how do I change myself?” Psychologists seem to agree that change follows a specific process which I’ve outlined here.  And they’re...

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The Last 3 Characteristics of Adult Children

We have reached the last 3 characteristics of adults raised in emotionally barren families. 1. Are super responsible or super irresponsible. 2. Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved. 3. Are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. The first characteristic is visible and obvious for heroes and...

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