How Deep are the Scars of Abuse?

A number of people have contacted me  over the past few months, wanting to talk about their victimization. These emails describe a wide range of feelings, reactions and heartbreak. For adults who were abused as children, the emotional outcome is as varied as people are. There are no hard and fast outcomes – there is only your outcome and it’s as perfect as perfect can be. It is always normal.  And it is always healthy. So...

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4 Stages of Healing from Childhood Abuse

Over the years, I have worked with many victims of abuse, women or men who were abused in childhood (I do not work with children).  Sometimes the abuse consisted of neglect; often it was physical, and emotional.  For many, it was sexual.  I find it interesting that in my practice, the men who were sexually abused as children were abused by someone outside of the family. the girls were all victimized by their fathers. (That is not the...

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8 Steps to an Emotionally Rich Family

We’ve talked alot about families and how early childhood experiences can shape adulthood.  And I’ve had a number of requests to share some thoughts about healthy families.  It’s an interesting dilemma – people don’t come to therapy because their life is wonderful.  But when I look at people I see and know, I realized there are some common principles lived by families who are emotionally present for each other and for the...

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Reader Appreciation Award

This is an extra post for me…and it’s special.  I have been presented with the Reader Appreciation Award from Melis at IAMNOTSHE. Melis writes about her family, her struggle with bulimia, and life.  She often writes poems, all as unique and beautiful as she is.  But most of all, Melis is always honest and humble.  Thank you Melis for including me in your circle of friends. The rules for this award as laid out by The Reader...

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How Do You Define Success?

I had dinner Saturday evening with one of my girlfriends and we got into a deep conversation about a variety of topics.  But the one that had me thinking all evening and most of today was a simple question she asked me: “How do you define success?” In truth I don’t know. What is success?  My daughter and I discussed success today as it concerns weight loss.  Is it the number on the scale? The size of clothes you wear?  Or...

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