It’s been a long time since I’ve been on this page. I’ve responded to comments when posted on some of my earlier posts, but otherwise I’ve done very little here. Life happens.

No excuses, but I’ve learned I have to take care of myself first and foremost. I’ve learned burnout is real and I can’t beat it by pretending it doesn’t exist. I have to manage my time and my expectations of myself in a sane and rational manner. Given that I’ve spent most of my life wondering about moderation and how others live in that way, but I’ve had to learn.

For those of you who read some of my earlier posts, my mother passed from her Alzheimer’s in October of 2020. While sad, I didn’t feel the deep grief I felt as she lost bits and pieces of herself. To be truthful, her end was a relief. My mother:

• had been bed-bound for two years.
• had lost all of her vocabulary and could only grunt or moan.
• didn’t want anyone around other than the caregivers who were regularly in her room.
• became and remained aggressive when anyone tried to touch her or get too close.
• couldn’t swallow without someone massaging her throat.

All in all, it is a horrible way to live.

On a good note, not a single patient in her facility got Covid, which is a blessing. Yes, it was locked down for long periods of time, but I can’t imagine trying to care for someone like Mom when breathing is an issue. She would have fought an oxygen mask or nose tube. It would have been awful.

But now she’s at peace.

What I’ve Been Up To

I worked full time until January of 2020 then retired. I agreed to stay on and help, when needed and that was lovely. Then Covid hit. I was busier than I anticipated and my retirement soon became a part time position. Other than that, like so many others, I watched the news almost all day, everyday. It was hard to assimilate that I was living through a pandemic. I’ve read stories about them, but  never thought to experience one for real. Working in health care, I knew about preparations for them. As a news junkie, I thought I understood the risks. But this was very different from anything I expected.

By the way, I read an excellent book, Enza, by Kristy James a painful look at the impact of the Spanish Flu, which was worse and better than I saw with Covid. The reality of up to the minute media reports, social media, and everyone checking on each other made this pandemic much different than the one of 1918.

Fortunately for me and my family, one daughter and one brother had relatively mild cases of the virus. Everyone else has remained healthy and well.

But now that I am officially, completely retired, I’m back to my first love, writing. I am glad to be back. It feels good. and I know I’m in the right place. I look forward to getting to know you.

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